you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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