I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
