dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
