i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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