I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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