yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
