The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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