I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
