I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
