I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
