you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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