At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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