its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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