Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
