Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
