3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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