I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
