fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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