You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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