I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
