Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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