My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
