You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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