my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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