Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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