My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just google imaged poop.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
