it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize