we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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