my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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