he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
