He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Naked Twister starts at high noon
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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