I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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