I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
