it's too hot outside to masturbate.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize