Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
