I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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