Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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