im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
