Pappa wants mamma naked
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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