I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
