We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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