Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
