I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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