i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
