hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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