Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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