Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
