I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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