i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The Olympian is in my bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
