i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
