hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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