Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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