i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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