How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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