Slut skills are useful in every country.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
