He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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