Pappa wants mamma naked
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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