I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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