Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
