He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
