If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
