my being single is dangerous.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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