I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
