I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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